My sincere apologies for missing last weeks post. Hey sometimes real life takes over and you can’t fulfill all your personal obligations. But boy what a week it was. Andi and Josh breakup, Emily Maynard gets knocked up and Nick Viall ironically posts this awkward article on breakup tips one week before the demise of Andi and Josh.
Jimmy Kimmel sets the stage with what America has been doing for years at this point. A dollar jar is now in play for whenever someone says the word “awesome”. This has been in play in households all over the United States for seasons past except dedicated Bachelor Nation’ers replace the dollar jar with shots. Too bad the hens on the show are already drunk without the extra needed shots and move to more tame games with dollars. ABC showed all their cards with the very first one on one date including a helicopter ride so they are most likely in need of some extra funds. Next season watch Chris Harrison announce at commercial break there is a crowd funding page to send the drama queens on an overnight stay that includes helicopters, something to conquer a fear like jumping out of the helicopter and of course the closer…..a B list music group.
First up for on a 1:1, Kaityln.
Arriving at Costco, disgust and horror on Kaitylyn’s face quickly fades once she realizes she can make out in a blow up hamster wheel in the middle of the men’s underwear section and the lady sampling mini hot dogs. They have a “normal” date with Jimmy as he awkwardly sits in on every move making the entire date evidently 100% made up. Kaitlyn’s bloodshot drunk eyes lead her to say some of the most absurd comments and cackles….oh the cackle…half of comments I believe are her counteracting the presence of 2 men in attempt to try to be a smart ass…except it doesn’t go over so well and just makes her look and sound like a dude. From experience men love to keep around the girl that is fulfills their “dude” role with benefits and boobs but he never marries them.
I call BULLSHIT on so many things that come out of her mouth:
- Chris: My life is not glamorous. Kaitlyn: That’s what I like about you – BULLSHIT (Said in McConaughey voice)
- When I dated farmers in the past…ok just one farmer…and he worked with animals…but I like this farmer. BULLSHIT @Possessionista couldn’t have said it better “Dating a guy who grows pot in his dorm room is not the same as dating a farmer, Kaitlyn. #theBachelor“
- I will not be angry if he sleeps with other women in the fantasy suite because you can’t buy the car without test driving it. BULLSHIT. What planet do you live on?
Jimmy puts the girls to work on their group date which leads to more “amazing” faces of disgust and confusion. Frankly, it’s not like any of these girls have real jobs or know what hard work is.
There is so much irony in this date I can’t contain myself.
Jillian sports a shirt that says “Stay Classy” yet her poontang and ass is hanging out so much so that it requires getting the black bar. This might be the first season that has had this much post production sensory editing (must watch that link) Well on wardrobe fails at least.
Onward and upward, the second 1:1 date with Whitney is amazing because the cameras were not close enough to pick up the piercing tone in her voice. However, I actually did enjoy this date albeit 100% set up. I mean think about it…if it were real people and a real wedding everyone one of those guests would have had to sign an NDA or some legal documents.
Do not trust any man that laughs so hard at a women that uses YOLO.
Commercial break brings us back to ABC’s more recently discovered moment of glory: Pool Party before the final rose.
Wet sloppy drunk women worried about their make up running always and playing chicken fight in the pool (oh the irony there of hens playing chicken fight) makes for easier decisions than talking to women in fancy evening gowns with cocktails.
In literal terms the bachelor would look more like this:
Who told Juelia that a pool party is the perfect place to share serious stories about suicide. Just a awkward and sad all at once. And was Chris even paying attention or was he more concerned with why so many women are wearing sparkly head apparel on this episode. I think I am going to start a tally for the bad accessory trend.
- Trina – just because she looked like a train wreck
- Tracy – who?!
- Amber – gets the 3rd episode tump from ABC as they can move on and did their due diligence on the culturally diverse quota .
Good bye ladies!